This is still a special feeling for me. Though I've reached the point where dressing in women's clothing every day feels natural, being included in gatherings like this still feels unique to me.
As the night went on, the topic of conversation naturally turned to sex. As I've discussed here before, I'm not the most experienced person sexually so I enjoy occasionally getting to here others talk openly about sex. As the discussion grew more animated, someone in the group made the statement along the lines of "what are guys thinking?" I know I, and I imagine many other trans women, dread statements like this as I wait for my companions to eventually turn to me looking for an answer. Thankfully, no one last night even glanced my direction :)
I believe the reason this kind of statement worries me is that I will be seen as the possessor of secret knowledge not available to other women. There's a view of transgender people as possessing intimate knowledge of both sexes; trans women can share knowledge about men with their sisters because of the fact that they were born male. I know I was not immune from this. As I struggled with my transgender identity, I considered myself an average guy for a long time - which actually made me feel that my transition would be that much more difficult and might not even be possible since I felt my gender performance as a guy was okay.
It was only after I began living as a woman that I realized how little I actually knew about being a guy. I realized that what I considered as an "okay" performance was actually just doing the bare minimum to get by. I was actually surprised at how comfortable I felt as a woman and how easy it was to see that being a woman is what is right and natural for me.
So no, I don't have any more idea of "what guys are thinking" or "what guys want" than any other woman.
And just to be clear, these are just my own thoughts about that phrase and the feelings it can evoke for me. It is not meant to call attention to something others should be more sensitive about. It's also not meant to call attention to my friends at the shower. Reading this post will probably be the first time they'll even consider that a question like that would even be directed to me. And that's what makes me happiest of all - reaching the point in my life as a woman were no one would even consider that I might have knowledge about men different from any other woman. I'm just one of the girls! Now, hopefully, I'll eventually reach a point where I won't even think that someone would direct a question like that to me. I may still have a ways to go on that...
